Blur

When you're alone too long, you start making these crazy realizations and accusations. There's always that point where I get in such a mood that suddenly I'm not even apart of society, and I proclaim that "no one in this world is like me, no one understands". The classic loner's plea. Since I have nothing to hold my attention this week I've just been cruising across the web. Somehow I stumbled across the Sundance film festival that happens to be going on this week in Utah I believe. Now that I think about it... I have no idea how I found it. But anyway, I've always wanted to go. I have an interesting taste in movies.. I like the independent ones that no one has heard of. Ones that actually have a message or those that don't make any sense at all but something just stands out to me. I was looking through the many many films being shown this year and got very interested in a few.

1. Hesher - Staring a few of my favorite actors: Joesph-Gordon Levitt, Natalie Portman, and Rainn Wilson (Dwight of The Office)

How can you even lose with that cast?! :P

2. thankyoumoreplease - No one extremely famous except for the director who is also from CBS's How I Met Your Mother

Basically it just attracted me because it revolves around NY and all the possibilities and randomness it holds.

3. Splice- My initial attraction to this movie is Adrian Brody, but it looks a little too freaky for me. It's about these two scientists that create a new species that of course strikes back. Looks creepy as hell but I'm def intrigued.

I'm eager to see if any of these films make to to Blockbuster for me, hopefully all of them. :P

Another thing I've been thinking about is that I should get a Flip camera. I really want one, though I'm not really sure why since I hate my voice on recording, I'm always too lazy to take pictures, and I always forget my camera. But I feel like recording life is important. And it's better to start late then never... umm another soon to be forgotten dream, but at least I'm writing again. If nothing else I will get one when I start my travels.

Something has been really annoying me lately: people telling me who I am. My mom has this constant need to tell me who I should be in a relationship with and how I should live my life. She says I'm too young to make big discussions and I'm going to be a great mom someday and I shouldn't ever spend my money or drink. It's just frustrating to feel restricted from living MY life. I wish I could just drive.. drive away and just never stop. Or just jump on a plane without even looking where it was going. I just have to have hope that things will change and someday I'll find where I'm meant to be and do. Until then I'll be waiting and thinking and capturing the things I love about my life now.

I guess I'm starting to sound silly by this point. Maybe it's time for bed. Hopefully I'll be writing another piece of fiction this week. I'll come up with something. :) Good night

Dead and Gone

With so much free time this week I've been going a little crazy. I even took a bath today. Wish I had one of those giant Cribs tubs. Decided I'm not much of a bath person. Has anyone else noticed that bathtubs are used in a lot of horror movies/murder stories. Watched Dexter for the first time, and dude kills a girl in a bathtub. So I'm officially not a bath person. At all.

After that experience, I watched some online TV. Everwood to be exact. Nothing else really exciting happened until I turned on MTV for the second episode of The Buried Life. I have to say it's not the normal MTV crap (which I sadly can't turn away from). It's thrilling and sort of heart warming. These four guys (who are HOTT btw) have a list of 100 things to do before they die and for everything thing on their list, they do something on some strangers list. So of course I got to thinking, What do I want to do before I die?? Honestly it's a pretty short list at this point. I'm not some crazy adrenaline junky and I don't do things 'just cuz'. But I came up with a few solid answers.

1. Travel. A Lot. To Anywhere.

2. Live in another country for at least a month.

3. Win an Emmy/Oscar/anything for writing

It's harder than it sounds. My list is short but difficult to accomplish. I can't think small scale right now. I guess I just get in a weird mood when I'm alone too long.

Song:

Dead and Gone - Lewis and Clarke

How long should I wait?

Today has been an interesting day. I decided I really really really like singing to songs I love. I don't care if I suck at singing (I know I do) but it's fun. It's some kind of release that I just need. Now I know why I really miss driving. It's the only time I get to do that. At school I just don't. But through all the adventure of today, I'm truly exhausted. Which is weird because I haven't been tired in forever. I feel like a weight is on me just weighing me down. I just want to get back to Oshkosh. Sorry I'm rambling and it's not even fun rambling.

Songs of the Day:

You Still Hurt Me - William Fitzsimmons

Crush'd - Say Anything

Konstantine - Something Corporate

Trying to Get Away

Tomorrow is my last day at the Pig till May. I have to say I don't really miss it. Costumers are terrible, and only a few manage to make me smile. Sadly, my campus job is not much better. It's much more boring and my boss is about the same as my Pig one. Anyway it's turning into a "thinking" week since I don't have much else to do. Today I literally laid in bed all day and worked a total of 3 hours. I suppose thinking is good once in awhile. So here are some things I've been pondering.

I really want to win something.

I'm completely addicted to tv, movies, and famous people. I watched the whole telethon for Hati just to see them all. I also watched the SAG awards. I would do anything to win an Emmy or Oscar someday (for writing). I don't care about the fame. I just want prove that I'm actually good at something. I've never been extraordinary at anything. I'm always average or far below. I think even just being nominated would make me beyond happy.

Why do people want to be parents?

I watched a little of Teen Mom and The Pregnancy Pact today and I just don't get it. I mean obviously this are people who are too young to have children but I still don't understand the appeal. I mean kids are expensive. They are with you the rest of your life. They are a HUGE responsibility. I mean if you screw up you could be responsible for the next mass murderer. Really, do I want to take that chance?! I just can't find anything positive in it. I also realized that most of the weddings I've been to have ended in divorce. It's just not fair to the kids. AHHHH I guess it's just NOT for me... AT ALL. I'm still not even sure if marriage is for me, but that's a whole other story.

College

I'm beginning to think that college is the best time of your life. It's hard, it's crazy, it's fun, it's exciting, and everything is changing. It really is a once in a lifetime experience. I already know I'll miss it when it's over. It's pretty much exactly what I thought it would be but it's my own and I love it. I have the best roommate (seriously). This is creepy, but I've always dreamed of the perfect roommate. One that'd I'd be friends with forever afterward, and that I could talk to about anything, and I think I did. Which is super lucky. (haha sorry if you're reading this and feel awkward Sam!) Plus it's kind of awesome how every semester is completely new beginning. It's the best, and I can't wait for the next one to start.

Disappointment

I really have to work on not getting my hopes up. I do it all the time. I get so excited for something too quickly and it disappears. Plans are easily canceled and things change. I just need to wait till things happen. Words aren't promises.

To wrap this up I'll give a movie review and some must listen to music.

American Beauty (R) 1998

I first watched this movie a few years ago and watched it again today because it was on tv. It's a pretty intense story. It features many many many issues that our generation deals with, only normally it isn't so confined, but it is just as well hidden. A few include: homophobia, depression, body image, abusive parents, fake friends, rape (sort of), etc. It's a twisted movie that really makes you think. Really speaks to all ages that can handle R rated movies, and yes it's rated that for many good reasons.

Overall: A

The Pregnancy Pact 2010

A story of 18 girls who make a pact to become pregnant together so they can raise their children together. This movie is really annoying to me. It doesn't make sense how this "just happens" and it def doesn't make a guy want to stay with you. Besides the obvious, the part that REALLY bothered me about this movie was the fact that pregnant girls were smoking and DRINKING. Oh and they barely said anything against it. One scene a girl is just sitting there smoking like nothing is going on. Anyone else confused??? Oh and how is there a beach party with kegs when not only are these kids 15 but half of them are preggers. Ridiculous. Oh and I say this only because I'm a future journalist, but why is the media always painted in a bad light? They inform you and if the media wasn't there you wouldn't know about anything! Like bringing awareness. I understand they can get out of hand but in many situations media is a good thing, but once again I'm bias.

Overall: C

Fun Fact: this movie and American Beauty feature the talented Thora Birch.

Music: check out William Fitzsimmons! He is very soothing, sometimes depressing, but amazing. My favorites include Passion Play and I Don't Feel It Anymore. He also has an amazing cover of Kanye West's Heartless that is worth hearing. Youtube it!

Wow this has gotten quite lengthy. Good night and good luck, a new week is here!

Taking a Fling at Writing

I been missing my high school creative writing class lately so I'm going to try getting back to the exercises we used to do. Remember show, don't tell! haha so this is one is going to be weak sauce cuz I haven't done it in like a year. Here it goes:

She was literally just sitting there, no motion, not even a twitch. Her eyes were concentrated on an invisible object somewhere in front of her, only blinking when necessary. Her orange hair was short, angled in every direction but with a sense purpose, like every piece belonged exactly where it was. A yellow bow seemed to only balance atop the organized chaos. The color in her fixed eyes was a rare green, kind of like the inside of an avocado. I wondered what she was thinking. The subway jerked to halt and almost instantly she came back to life and ran though the open doors, only to be swallowed by the mass of people. Her color absorbed into a sea of gray. It was strangely all I could think about as I sat down at my desk.

Well that's about it for now. A couple side notes: I forgot how much I love snap bracelets. Watch/donate to the hati telethon tonight!!

Then Came You

Today was high and low. I got to go shopping which was very fun. We ran into the craziest Victoria Secret working who wants to make sure everyone FINDS THEIR SCENT. Which to her is probably the equivalent of finding THE ONE or something. Oh and apparently the couple that buys thongs together stays together?? Later on I got my first massage which was pretty amazing. It's a weird theory if you think about it. I don't think I'd want to touch people for a living. hahaha So today I also decided that I don't like bars. They SMELL and they are hick central. I'm going to be a sophisticated drunk someday. Most definitely.

Random movie review: Adam

A story of a socially awkward but intelligent boy named Adam who lives in NYC. A girl moves into his apartment complex and he is forced to learn to interact with her. It's really cute at times other times it makes you sad. It's a sweet story without the boring story book ending. Def a good watch. (Especially with one of your besties.)

Tomorrow is the Golden Globes which I sort of live for. Someday I will attend and in my wildest dreams be nominated and in even wilder dreams win. Oh and hopefully avoid the worst dressed list. I can't wait to see it and bask in the glow of my idols.

Music of the Day:

Someone Else's Life - Joshua Radin

Forever - Chris Brown

Sing Out

Today was pretty boring except that I got to talk to my ROOMIE. YES Oh and TK. They are hilarious and I can't wait to make out semester plans a reality. Gosh I miss being social! haha

I've been doing some SERIOUS thinking. I need to make so for serious future plans. I want to live aboard. It's between Ireland, England, and Germany. I also need someone to accompany me. ;)

Can you just imagine COMPLETE freedom!?!? Parents are 349043859 miles away. Can you say AMAZING?! Being cooped up is making me a crazy person... RAWR

Anyway this is short but sweet. Good night dreamers.

Maniac Monday

My good streak continues!

I went ice skating today with 3 lovely ladies. I can't wait for the Winter Olympics! I'll be watching 24/7. Who cares about class!??!

Unfortunately it's that time again when everyone starts leaving me again. I love having long breaks, but going back the latest out of everyone makes me lonely. This semester I'm setting many many many goals, so here it they are: (in no particular order)

- get at least 2 As

- go out more

- freak out less

- write more

- keep in touch even BETTER

-complain less

- sleep more

- study more

I'm really ready for this new start. It feels like it's going to be awesome. I actually kind of wish I was going back this weekend. I miss my fabulous roommate. I don't know what I'm going to do without her next year. I cry just thinking about it. Hopefully my twin will be there to make it ALL better!! AHHHH

Go Big or Go Home!

Music of the Day:

Brown Eyes - Lady Gaga

You Don't Know Me - Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor (soooo catchy!)

Love is a Many Splendored Thing

It's about that time for a RandomRant! I've been watching a lot of TV shows and movies lately. (actually, when don't I?) Just about everything I've watched has some small or large love story line. There are a million themes out that that revolve around love. My conclusion: It's NEVER easy, age matters...sometimes, just when you think you've found it-you were wrong, being a spy and love DO NOT mix, you CAN'T be JUST friends with a member of the opposite sex, and to many it's a fantasy until your in it.

I wonder if anyone knows what movies and shows I have been watching haha

It really makes me think about LOVE. What a word. I wonder if anyone will ever really be able to describe it, because I sure can't. Maybe would should erase it from our vocabulary. I wonder what would happen then.

On a different note I would like to make some music suggestions! (this will probably be reoccurring):

Animal - Miike Snow (yes there are 2 is, and it's SUPER catchy)

Kiss with a Fist - Florence + the Machine (song from Jennifer's Body (horrible movie btw) also very catchy and VIOLENT)

Do Better - Say Anything (makes me want to just you know do better!)

So all in all GREAT weekend. Still contemplating love, but I'm pretty sure I have a loooooong time to do that. Good night!

Day 1

Welcome to the blogging world!

I'm a little apprehensive about starting this, but I've decided to finally go for it. This is going to be for the most part, random, ridiculous, and just fun. I'm going to write as much as possible, even if it's a boring or lame. On that note:

It's SUNDAY. This weekend has been a blast, even though my originals plans fell through. I got to spent some quality time with some of my favorite people doing some of my favorite things. I watched 500 Days of Summer for the third time. I still love it, and I notice new things every time. This time I keep thinking about inappropriate times to play the penis game... like at church this morning. I remember I first played it at a bowling alley. haha

Anyway this is a slow start but excitement is yet to come! (hopefully)

ps. Watch CHUCK 8-10 NBC. Just do it.